Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Zeptrons Super Six (costume design by Avalancha & Paddlers First), caretakers to the realm of rivers and all sensible things managed to hold off the hordes of neo-kayak-dervish-river-zombies as they attempted to break through the inter-galactic shield of sensibility to lay claim to the creeker of all creekers, Fluid Bazooka. Another attempt to lay claim will be on the 27July(Event#3). be there if you dare.

A Sunny sunday evening down at Riksanlegget. aka The Sjoa Kayak Camp was host to the horde of 25 neo-kayak-dervish-river-zombies as they battled it out with 2 runs down the famous 420m of ex-slalom section of Åmot Fallene. 2 attempts were allowed with only the fastest counting. The first obstacle was an eddy turn and compulsory eskimo roll around the PLANET RIVER water mine 20 metres from the start. Several of the zombies proved what good paddlers they are by demonstrating that they normally & rarely have to roll due to their supreme balance and staying upright skills and found the eskimo roll a refreshing and new start to their perceptions of what is involved in WW kayaking. Talking about perception, 1 of the zombies even found a dusty Dancer to regain their perspectives on old-skool.

Out of the eddy, with snotty grins the neo-kayak-zombies.... splash paddled from river right down a long green wavy tongue to eddy#2 on river left. Another PLANET RIVER water mine was circled, with a few losing concentration and getting zapped some more sensibility witha 5 second penalty. On a side note, the organisers have decided next years event will have a real water mine, and then we´ll see who really wants to touch it.

A sneaky shallow left line or a weaving centre line or far-right flow line was next option for the competitors, i mean kayak-zombies. Most headed right to the quicker flow, but those who strayed from the shoulders of the rollercoaster breaking waves were treated to chestful and faceful treats of pure sjoa water. Tasty and refreshing, but definitely slower with bows submerged. There was even 1 super-crazy zombie who like did this bac-deck roll thingy trick as he went over the big emerald wave. A good philosophy to be learnt by all is that having fun on the river is also a requirement of WW kayaking. 

Coming soon after the channeled wave train was a section of shallow, funny water & an exploding breaking wave-hole thingy centre left . Not in the sense of HA HA thats funny, but in the sense that the river makes wobbly lactic arms cry with pain as paddlers(zombies) attempt control through the exploding and boiling current. Rumours of a HURRICANE parting waters though this section were revealed true at the results announcement.

A final 100 meters of slowly pooling and winding flow held the neo-dervish plastic paddlers in a tiry-eyed trance to the finish line under the arched Bridge of Transcendance (transcends you from river right to river left, or if you prefer, from here to there). Under the banner of the coolest & closest kayak shop in the valley or Norway, and it was back up to the start to improve.

After the standard/routine diet of neo-kayak-dervish-river-zombies. Hotdogs. Semi-cult status was awarded to the 1st placed zombies in the form of getting to experience some more sensibility by getting to touch & hold the Golden Paddle. Ask Ben Jackson, Katja Stein and Anders Knutrud how they have been enlightened with this unique experience.

Get a life, learn to paddle and see u on the 27th July on the Sjoa River, Norway for the next event.

words by rob wilson

A big shout out to the following for contributing to make this all happen.

25 neo-kayak-dervish-river-zombies

Zeptrons Super Six - Neomie, Torgeir X2, Tormud, Camilla, Knut Mathias and Anna

Photography - Greig Mccolm

Fluid Kayaks - Sponsoring 1 x Bazooka Creekboat (Medium) - The Big Lucky Draw prize

Avalancha - 2 x Custom-made playvests for Superman & Superwoman

Strie Strømmer - 1000´s kroners prize table contribution

Paddlers First - Truckers caps for volunteers

Go Rafting - Event location/coffe & cake/cheaper beers

Heidal Rafting - Final event prize-giving & BBQ

Sjoa Rafting - Event location for Sjoa Super Charger event finish 

Planet River - 1x HF Throwbag & 6 x Living the Best Day Ever by Hendri Coetzee